At my first Summer Workshop in Park City, Utah in 1996, an effort was made to soften the anxiety of new membership by holding a group meeting of first time members that included a cameo appearance by an experienced AAP member. The options outlined were to either accept an invitation into an existing family group, remain in our circle and start a group of our own, or choose to not be in a group at the time. Thus started a period of scrambling and attrition that lasted about six years – during which members spun off to other groups or other continents. When we had dwindled down to four members, we decided that it was our responsibility to make this family thrive and be one in which we desired membership. The group transformed as we took responsibility for our experience. From that time on we began a conscious shaping of our group and have grown to eight members that meet for two weekends a year outside of academy meetings as well as during academy meetings. There can be benefit from joining a group with a history. There can also be benefit from forming a completely new group and taking the time to develop norms. Time floundering is not always wasted time. What works in a newcomer’s group also works in an existing older group. Key ingredients are the willingness to be authentic, tolerate uncertainty, and love.